The Cowboys in the first trimester

Ahhh, the first trimester (or a little more. I know, I know, its a sixteen game season, but whatever, I'm gonna say trimester). And what have we learned about the Cowboys and, by extension, the NFC East and NFC as a whole?

Well, who are the top teams in the NFC?

1. The Saints

2. The Vikings

3. The ...????

The Cowboys? Eagles? Cardinals? Giants?

Thats the thing with the NFC, right now... the top of the Division is set, with the Vikings and Saints as the best teams by far. But after that its still up in the air, and realistically, any of the teams I just mentioned could be the third best team. But we just don't know. Its like.... its like when you're at a party, and theres a group of really hot girls there, and then there are the two who are definitely WAY hotter than the rest of their friends. But then you try to rank the rest, and its hard. Its hard to rank the rest until you dance with each of them on the dance floor. 

Thats what its like. Thats exactly what its like.

So, stuff we've learned about the Cowboys.

1. Miles Austin, Greatness- Who knew? Some people, actually. Austin was rated the number one most likely player to break out by those fine folks over at Football Outsiders, and were they ever right. For some reason the big, rangy Monmouth product has become the new Jerry Rice. Actually, forget Rice. He is the new G.O.A.T. Too soon, you say? NO! NOT SOON ENOUGH. Now, you may say I had the same over-reaction to Drew Bennett's monster three game stretch from weeks 13-15 in 2004.

But this time, its for real. Honest!

2. Tony Romo, Padiwan Extrodinare- Tony has really had some good games this season. He also played the Broncos. Its still hard to say where he is in terms of big games, but hes still the loveable galoot we always knew he was. Galoot on, my young Apprentice. Galoot on.

3. We should just start Felix Jones- Again, Felix Jones is the Cowboys best running back right now. Seriously. He's the most complete back, and the most explosive back, and every carry we give to Marion Barber III is a carry that could be given to Felix. Another thing- Marion was a great closer a few years ago, and a great goal line back. Felix, on the other hand, starts off games as an electric, home-run hitting back. His style doesn't punish the defense; he just beats them with his athleticism.

4. The defense; what up with that?- Sure, some people have been doing well lately (DeMarcus Ware comes to mind), but the great 46.6" (Gerald Sensebaugh) has not yet become the leaping over defenders presence that I've always wanted him to be. And the Corners are "adequate". But at least were getting picks! No sacks though, and the defense as a whole is middle of the pack, coming in at number 14 in scoring defense, and number 22 in yardage defense. A very "meh" unit.

5. Jason Garrett, average- yeah I said it!

And now, for your audio recommendation of the week:

The Bugle: John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman host this program, and it is freaking hilarious. Its like getting smacked in the face with the British Equivalent of Comedy (Probably Comedre? I don't know. Crazy British)

Check that stuff out here. 

And Video:

A Vodka Movie by Zach, Tim, and Eric

Zach Galifianakis joins Tim and Eric. That all you need to know to know its awesome. Theres three parts, I'll just embed the first part:

Miles Austin: Man or God? And John Mattone

Miles Austin went to Monmouth University. Besides the obvious "whatever happens at Monmouth stays in Monmouth" jokes (they are so cliche now (as is, strangely, that phrase)). Now, I know what you are thinking. Monmouth? But listen, Monmouth has famous alumni, according to Wikipedia; besides Mr. Austin, these laudatory figures were listed

Stephanie LaGrossa, reality show contestant was featured on Survivor: Palau and Survivor: Guatemala

Katie Gallagher, reality show contestant runner up on Survivor: Palau

John Mattone, RVP of Enterprise Rent-A-Car

You know your college has hit it big time when your most famous alumni is Miles Austin, and your other famous alumni are two -- TWO -- survivor contestants and one John, Mattone, a REGIONAL VICE PRESIDENT AT ENTERPRISE RENT-A-CAR. 

What does Mr. Mattone do? HE WRITES PEER REVIEWS ON LINKEDiN!

And he donated $200 to the PAC of Enterprise Rent-a-car. 

This raises some interesting questions:

1. Enterprise has a PAC? What the hell? Really? What do they lobby for? Laws that require other car companies to specify that they will not be picking you up?

2. Who is this Tiffany, and where can I hire her? She sounds so hard working.

Actually, according to that PAC statement, he no longer works for Enterprise. WIKIPEDIA IS WRONG AGAIN!

Also, those survivor girls?

One of these is not a girl. Also, not bad, Monmouth.


So what have we learned about Monmouth, and, by extension, the Savior-that-is-Miles-Austin?
Some hot girls went there. So did John Mattone.  And if I have to hear anyone else say "Miles to go before you sleep" again, I'll freaking kill somebody.


And just because I love you, and I've been talking about Death Proof:

Dallas Cowboys vs Atlanta Falcons

I'm going to make this short and sweet:
Keys to victory
1) The Cowboys need to establish the run.
2) They need to pressure Matt Ryan.
3) They need to stop Michael Turner.
Keys to a loss
1) Poor special teams play.
2) Let the Falcons run all over them.
3) Force Romo to make too many plays.